I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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