If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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