Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
