You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
