Whod you bang
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
