tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
