could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize