clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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