Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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