THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
