The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
