whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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