wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
