on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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