Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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