it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
