my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
