tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
