I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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