this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize