you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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