Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you still have your period?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
