The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
