When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize