I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
