Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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