I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
