roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
