Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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