forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
there is glitter all over my balls
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
