Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
