dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
