Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
