I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
