Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
