I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
