I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize