So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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