I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It was a blind-side dick pic.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
