Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
