After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
