oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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