Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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