there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize