it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize