M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
