so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
