i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
