why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
