i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
