So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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