I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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