I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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