this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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