Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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