Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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