rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
