I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
