you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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