Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
