A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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