do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
