shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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