Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
