Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
