Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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