so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
