Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
