I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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